


Home isn't a place

by Lost_In_Translation (Liarian)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Post-TRoS, Protective Poe Dameron, Slow Burn, Space idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22130041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liarian/pseuds/Lost_In_Translation
Summary: "We've been together on this since the beginning, Poe. I'm not leaving you now.”
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [El hogar no es un lugar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22129978) by [Liarian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liarian/pseuds/Liarian). 



It was strange to think about the future. The Battle of Exagol had meant the end of the First Order. In the hangar, hugging tightly the two beings he loved most in the entire universe, Finn told himself over and over again that they had succeeded. They’d done the impossible. Perhaps he’d been innocent believing that from that moment on, everything would be fine.

Finn opened his eyes slowly trying to discern what was that red light that blinked intermittently. Without much coordination he lit the holo and Rey's bluish face lit the room. The Scavenger’s image laughed nervously.

"I feel ridiculous talking to myself... Hi, Finn!" she smiled more calmly "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. I'm sorry we didn't have more time to talk but there is something I have to do and not”

Finn stumbled in his hurry to get up and took the hologram closing his hand tightly around it. Without bothering to put on some pants, he left with the same shirt he wore the day before. Bluish light escaped between his fingers. Rey's voice was choppy until it was nothing more than an unintelligible whisper.

"Rey!" He shouted, knocking insistently against Rey's cell door. “Rey! It's me, Finn! Open!”

From the other side of the door, he only heard silence. Frightened by what it could mean, he typed the combination and the door opened with a metallic creak. It was as if Rey had never been there. The cot was completely bare, only the yellowish mattress and an almost flat pillow.

Between shoves and trips, he kept going without bothering to apologize to everyone who crossed his path. He was convinced that his heart was going to get out of his chest. The hallways seemed to have lengthened during the night. He felt the cold floor against the soles of his feet.

The Falcon wasn’t there.

“Kriff!” He kicked one of the spare containers. “Kri” The pain left him without air.

“Finn? Is everything okay?” He felt Poe's hand against his shoulder.

"She's gone" he answered, frowning when he saw the horrible appearance of his big toe. He would be lucky if he hadn't broken it. "Poe" he looked at the pilot, feeling lost. "Rey is gone. We are supposed to be a team”

"Finn, friend," Poe's voice took him out of his reverie “someone should look at that finger.” Finn shrugged with his eyes fixed on his bare feet. "I know what Rey means to you, but she will come back. Rey always comes back.”

"What if this time she doesn’t?" He whispered to himself. At that moment, in the middle of the hangar, he felt pathetic. “I’d better go. I’m sorry” he pointed to himself without knowing what was he felt sorry about and limped away before Poe had a chance to reply.

"It looks like you're not the only one who hasn't said goodbye" he heard Poe mutter at the indignation of BeeBee-Ate. The deafening noise of the engines was smothered until it was nothing more than a distant rumor.

That night, curled up on his cot, Finn watched Rey's face. The blue of the holo-vid blurred the vivacious color of Rey's eyes, leaving only a dull gray.

“I’m a coward for not saying goodbye to you in person, but you’d have liked to come with me and your place is here with The Resistance.”

Rey's words still echoed in his head hours after he turned off the holo-vid. He only had wanted for them to stay together but maybe Rey was right. Poe was still there and at least his obligations to the Resistance kept him sane for most of the day.

Rey leaving had been a hard blow but the Jedi was only one more among the dozen beings than had left the Resistance in recent weeks. Poe sighed pulling his black curls away from his forehead. At that rate, those who considered that the Resistance was nothing more than a useless relic from the war were going to have it very easy to make them disappear.

Poe was going crazy. He didn't have enough credits to pay for the fuel but the money would have to come from somewhere. Without fuel their X-Wings were nothing but useless scrap. BeeBee-Ate's irritating beeps had been digging into his brain for a while when he finally couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm not hungry!" He shouted desperately at the insistence of the droid. "I don't even know if we're going to be able to pay for the food!"

Poe looked at the Datapad for the last time before throwing it against the desk. He couldn't help feeling he was fighting a losing battle.

“[And Friend-Finn?]” BeeBee-Ate asked.

“He already has enough problems. He doesn’t need to know” Poe leaned back in his chair, his gaze lost on the chipped ceiling. “Do you think he confessed what he felt and she still…?” He felt a lump in his throat. Remembering Finn's face, Poe couldn't help but hate Rey a little.

BeeBee-Ate ignored his comment and kept insisting with squeaky beeps that he needed to eat something.

It was already late when he got in the almost deserted canteen, tired of hearing BeeBee-Ate's complaints. For a moment he thought he saw Testor and Snap laugh but it was impossible. Sometimes he thought he was still in Black-One cockpit, hearing again and again the explosion that had ended Wexley's life. He didn't even know if Jess was still alive.

“[Friend-Finn!]” The droid's beeps took him out of his reverie.

Sitting at one of the tables, the former stormtrooper ignored the tray in front of him while he played with a holo between his fingers.

"There’s news of Rey?" Poe sat next to him, slapping him on the back.

"Poe!" Finn was startled. "No" he sighed defeated. “I hoped that at this point she’d have at least sent a message but... I'm worried that something might have happened to her.”

"It's Rey who we're talking about." Poe forced a smile.

"Rose is leaving too." Finn pushed the tray away, leaving it abandoned in the middle of the table. “She wants to go home. Help rebuild.”

"Rose is going to be there if you need her." Poe placed his hand on Finn's thigh. "It doesn’t mean you're going to lose her."

"That’s not what it seems right now" Finn complained. Poe didn't know what to answer. With things as they were, he was afraid that whatever he said was nothing more than an empty promise. "I feel so stupid." Finn hid his face behind the palms of his hands.

“Finn, buddy” Poe dragged Finn towards him “It doesn’t matter

"General Dameron, Sir!" Lieutenant Connix broke the moment. The urgency in her voice couldn’t be good and the expression on her face only confirmed his suspicions.

"Report, Lieutenant." Poe ordered, getting up from the table. Finn was still sitting but kept staring at Connix.

“A message from the High Admiralty. I thought you’d like to know immediately. It is in reference to Lieutenant Kun.”

Kaydel handed him the datapad. The emblem of the Republic shone on the screen. Poe looked at the screen with some apprehension.

"Is she ok?" Finn asked, getting up too. "Why didn't she get in touch with us?"

“They are accusing her of desertion” the datapad shook in his hands. “If you'll excuse me”

“Poe! Poe!” Finn shouted following him down the hall. “What are you going to do?”

“I don't know yet, but I’ll think of something.”

In the following days, life in Ajan Kloss had become increasingly oppressive. The news of Kun's arrest had left no one indifferent. For the most part, the pilots, much of the infantry and even some of the engineers were Army deserters. Uncertainty seemed to be undermining the moral of everyone. Poe tried to hide how much it affected him but it was easy to see the tiredness on his face. Finn was convinced that the pilot wasn’t sleeping more than two hours each night, lost between reports that no one saw but him.

"Kriffing Co-Generals, my balls" Finn hit the wall, frustrated. They had known each other for a long time now. Poe was up to something and, whatever it was, it couldn't be anything good.

“What has the poor wall done to you?”

"Rose!" Finn smiled for the first time in days. "I thought you were gone!"

“Without saying goodbye? And I think I’m more needed here right now.” Rose shrugged. “Poe is making things difficult?”

"And when he isn’t?." Finn leaned against the wall, exhausted.

"Well… It wouldn't be Poe, then." Rose shook her head. “Maybe you can take care of these for him?” The engineer showed him the datapads in her hands.

"Promissory notes?" Finn looked at them curiously. “I thought that was the administration's job”.

“Iori has returned to Naboo, so I lend them a hand when I can. These should have already been paid but with the whole issue of Karé…”

Finn opened them one by one. They were expense notes: spare parts, bacta, fuel, thermal blankets, boots, coats... Never before had he thought about where everything they needed came from. He felt vertigo when he saw the speed at which the figures were shooting up.

"Leave it in my hands." He muttered, looking at the datapads one last time. "Thank you, Rose." Finn wrapped her in a hug before running off to command.

Almost all the lights in command were off except for the slight reflection of the lamp that illuminated the corner in which Poe used to work. Finn came near slowly. The exhaustion seemed to have managed to beat Poe. He slept on the table, twisted on himself. Finn couldn't help thinking about the neck pain he was going to have when he finally woke up.

"Shh," Finn shook him carefully. "Poe."

The pilot was startled, dragging with him the datapads that had been trapped under his arms.

"Finn?" Poe looked at him still lost. "I'm-I'm sorry! Did I fall asleep?” the pilot tried to tidy up his curls. “I was”

“Asleep. I've noticed” Finn leaned on the edge of the table, his sight wandering on the datapads next to his thigh. They were more promissory notes like the ones Rose had just given him.

"How much are we talking about?" Finn frowned.

“About three million” Poe replied apologetic while collecting the datapads from the ground.

“Didn't you think that maybe I needed to know? We are supposed to be co-generals!” He growled noticing all his muscles contracting from the anger contained.

Poe dropped against the chair with his eyes lost in infinity. The silence became oppressive.

"I just wanted you to keep something. Even if Rey was gone, even if Rose left, even with everyone we lost in the war” Poe's voice broke into pieces “at least the Resistance was still there.”

"I'm not a child you have to protect from reality" Finn spat. "I was a soldier before I found the Resistance and I’ll still be one when it’s gone." He slammed Rose's datapads on the table. Without waiting for an answer, he turned around, unable to keep looking Poe in the face.

"I'm going to surrender." Poe's voice stuck like a dagger leaving him paralyzed. "I'm not Leia Organa, but I still have some friends left."

"What are you talking about?" Finn turned. Poe was staring at him with an intensity he hadn’t seen in the pilot for some time.

“Kun ... Her only crime was to follow the orders of his Commander.”

"So you're going to let them arrest you and for what?" Finn pounced on Poe, taking him by the lapels of his shirt.

"She already lost Snap because of me, I'm not going to let her" Poe got up breaking Finn's catch.

"Are you doing it for her or are we just talking about your pride?" Finn growled.

"It's how I can do the greatest good!" The screams continued to escalate.

"Great then, General!" Finn raised his arms in despair. "Do whatever you want! It isn’t as if my opinion matters to you at all!”

Finn noticed the pilot's fingers digging into his arm trying to hold him there, but they had nothing else to discuss. Without any pity, he got rid of Poe without looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

The monsoon season had been cruel that year, sweeping houses and leaving the most isolated areas of Yavin IV without basic supplies. At least four of his Nerfs had been drowned and the torrential rains had uprooted more than half the trees on the farm. Finally, after three weeks without contact with the main settlement of the colony, Kes was convinced that he had managed to fix it.

“Kes Dameron speaking” sitting in front of the old equipment, he turned the modulator until he found the frequency he was looking for. “Does anyone copy?”

"We were getting worried about you, old man" Finally someone answered "Everything alright?"

"I’m whole, at least" Kes was glad to hear Jobb's voice on the other side. “Everything good at the colony?”

“It looks like you have missed the celebrations” the voice laughed “The war is over.”

Kes went blank for a moment unable to conceive that the nightmare was finally over.

"Do you know anything about Poe?" He asked fearing the worst. It had been a very long year without knowing if his son was dead or alive.

"I'm sorry, Kes" his blood froze in his veins. "There's no news at the moment. We know very little about the situation out there, but you’ll be the first to know if we find out anything.”

"Thank you" he mused, closing the channel. Kes collapsed. Sitting on the floor, he felt his hands shiver. He couldn't help thinking of the corpses piling up after the Battle of Endor, the X-Wings shining in the sky like shooting stars falling surrounded in flames. The cold statistic was cruel when those who he cared most about lived to pilot.

Gradually, life seemed to return to normal. Kes had finished fixing the east fence and was about to start with the north one when the hum of an engine made him look up. Jobb's speeder stopped a few meters away.

"Dameron!" The man jumped out of the vehicle. "This morning we received a message from Ajan Kloss. Poe! General of the Resistance! Can you believe it?”

"Well done, mijo." Kes smiled in relief. It was as if something had been released and he could breathe for the first time in years. “And that son of mine said when he was going to get in touch with his old man?”

"The antenna still doesn’t have enough power to support live communications but we can send a message whenever you want." Jobb approached and gave him a chip.

Kes looked at the small device in the palm of his hand and put it away. He smiled when he felt the weight in his pants pocket. Jobb unloaded the preserved food and the fuel.

"I have to finish the round" Jobb wiped the sweat from his forehead. "But I can pass before returning to the colony if you want me to get the message."

“Will you stay for dinner? I’ll need you to place a long-range transmitter on my next week order, mine got fried in the last storm.”

"No problem, Kes!" The sound of the speeder rumbled through the trees. “See you soon!”

Kes forced himself not to run to his communications equipment. The silence of the valley, the wind swaying the leaves of the trees and the squeak of insects helped him to remain calm. He held his breath while he waited for the message to finish loading.

“BeeBee-Ate? Are we recording now?” the voice filled the room. Kes couldn't help his tears from falling as he saw his son smiling at his damn astrodroid. The curls fell on his forehead. He had grown his hair. Kes looked at the lines of expression that hardened his face and the wrinkles that weren’t there the last time he had seen him. It was undeniable that the war had aged him. In the holo, the droid beeped proudly. "Oh, okay." For the first time, Poe looked straight at the camera with the smile still drawn on his face. It was Shara's smile. “Hello dad, I guess you've heard but we won. I'm still not sure what that means but right now it doesn't matter. We won. Many say that thanks to me... I think I made too many mistakes but the war is cruel. And we have lost so many…” his voice broke “I love you, dad. I think I've never told you enough. I hope you are all well in the colony. I guess I should say goodbye. I miss you.” Poe got up disappearing from sight. “BeeBee-Ate, turn off” and with that last order, the image of the holo vanished completely.

Kes still reproduced the message four more times observing every little detail. There were so many things he wanted to say but the words failed him. The evening light dyed the sky in shades of copper when he finally turned on the recorder and said "I'm proud of you, mijo."

With the help of Jobb and other kids in the colony Kes had the long-range transmitter installed and operational in just three days. The work at the ranch kept him busy while waiting for the signal of an incoming message. At night, he sat in front of the transmitter and looked at it until he fell asleep right there.

It was well into the morning, when at last the communicator broke the absolute silence in which he had sunk for days. Kes woke up suddenly, without understanding at first what was happening.

"Poe?" Kes asked as soon as he connected "Mijo, how are you?"

Poe didn't look good. The dark circles under his eyes had worsened and Kes was convinced that he had lost weight.

"I hate politicians." Poe sighed. "I didn't miss them. But let's not talk about me. How are things at the colony?”

“We’ve been lucky. The First Order hasn’t paid much attention to the sector but refugees continue to arrive every day. You know how those things are”

“I understand that they have you entertained?”

“Jobb and the boys take care of the new arrivals. I think they tell them stories about the lonely old man who lives in the middle of the jungle. I don't usually have many visits. I expected you to come soon.”

"I don't know" Poe frowned. "Things don't look good around here but people still need us. I can’t”

"You don't owe them anything, Poe." Kes sat up in his chair. "What else do they need? Sooner or later you’ll have to decide to retire. Someday I’d like to have grandchildren and you are starting to get old.”

"I owe them everything." Poe looked away. “Without the Resistance, I don't know”

"Why do I get the impression that we aren’t talking about the Resistance, mijo?" Kes couldn’t help laughing when he saw the blush on the tips of his son's ears. “You don't have to come alone. I would like to meet the being who gets my son to blush in front of his father.”

“Force, Dad” Poe tidied his curls up, as he always did when he got nervous “There is no one to meet. Finn isn’t”

"Oh," Kes erased the smile from his lips. “I'm sorry, mijo.”

“Me too.”

“That doesn't mean you can't bring him someday.”

Poe groaned before saying goodbye.

Kes sat there for a while in complete silence. Until that moment he hadn’t believed completely that Poe was alive. More than one night he had risen soaked in sweat, convinced that his son's body lay in the vastness of space, lost forever. Seeing him in love again, after what Muran's death had meant for him, filled Kes with a joy that was difficult to explain.

Kes hadn’t managed to fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning but the cattle didn’t forgive a single day. The light of dawn broke through the treetops. Kes prepared himself a double kaff. He still felt the hot cup in his hands when he realized he had a new recorded message.

"Hi, Dad" Poe's voice broke "Karé has been arrested for desertion. The Army accuse her of having stolen her X-wing and handed it over to the Resistance. I’m going to surrender. I owe it to her but I need to ask you a favor. Take care of Finn for me. I love you.”

The message froze his insides. The cup slipped between his fingers breaking into a thousand shards against the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

The stars could be seen between the treetops. The noises of the night cooed Finn and for a second he managed to forget his anger. The wind blew fresh against his cheeks. He couldn't help the rage that gripped his stomach, but he was convinced that if it was Rey instead of Karé, he would have done the same. Finn took a deep breath before getting up. Even in the early morning, the activity didn’t stop at the base. He recognized some faces among the engineers who worked in the X-Wings but kept walking until he was in the residential wing. He could hardly hear anything. Even at the wing reserved for the pilots, the silence seemed absolute. Finn couldn't help thinking about how many of those cells were actually empty. Poe's was at the end of the hall. Despite his new rank, the pilot had retained his old room. With how little Poe was sleeping lately, maybe it wasn't the best time, but Finn couldn't help thinking that it could be too late in the morning.

Maybe it was too late already.

Frightened by what he was going to find when he opened Poe’s door, he dialed the code without bothering to knock. Poe's figure sat up with a blaster ready to shoot. Finn could hear his heart beating at a thousand per hour.

"Poe, it's me." Finn raised his arms. In the dark, he didn't want Poe shooting him.

"Force, Finn... don't scare me like that." Poe sat on the edge of the bed, leaving the abandoned blaster on the nightstand. In backlight, he could see how Poe closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm down.

"Sorry... I didn't want to scare you." Finn stepped nearer. "Can I sit down?"

Poe nodded and turned on the light. "Everything okay?" He yawned. “I thought you were still mad at me.”

"I am." Finn noticed the weight of the mattress sink under his weight. "Don't worry. But I've been thinking and if you feel that’s what you have to do... I understand."

“Thank you" Poe replied relieved without realizing that Finn hadn’t yet finished speaking.

"But I'm going too." Finn stared at him.

"But the resistance" Poe stared at him as if he couldn't understand Finn’s words.

"We've been together on this since the beginning, Poe. I'm not leaving you now.” Finn draw near until he felt the heat of Poe's thigh against his own. “The Resistance means nothing without you. We are co-generals. Do you want to surrender? Okay, but I’m going with you.”

"I don't know what’s going to happen once we land in Chandrila." Poe stuck his sight on the ground.

"I'm not going to argue with you" Finn's voice rang out sharply in the room. “You’ve made your decision. This is mine.”

"If you're sure." Poe shook his head.

"That’s my man" Finn slapped him on the back.

Silence enveloped them. Finn could hear their even breathing. Poe dropped against his shoulder, the brown curls tickling his neck.

"I'm glad you're here." Poe muttered after a long time. “You are a good man.”

Finn rolled his eyes. He wasn't sure how to react when Poe said those kind of things. It wasn’t as if the situations in which they had encountered had given him the option to do something different. If it had been for him, right now they would be on their way to the Outer Rim, as far from everything as they could, where the laws of the Republic couldn’t reach them.

"Poe, why are they doing this?" He finally asked what had been tormenting him since Kun's arrest. "The threat of the First Order was real and they weren’t doing anything."

"It's all politics, Finn." Poe lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. "It was us and not them who managed to win the war. Some in the Senate see us as a threat. With the Galaxy plunged into chaos it’d be easy to be the seed of a new Empire.”

Finn's face froze.

“But we never”

“I know. Everyone who knows us knows it but we’re talking about ambition. They’re politicians, they don't know how to look at the world in any other way. Palpatine had been a senator”

“And knowing that you are going to surrender yourself?” Finn turned, staring at the other man's face. Without realizing it, he had taken his hand and his fingers gripped it tightly.

“Not all of them are beasts thirsty for power. There are good people too. And at least the Navy will be in charge of judging us. Perhaps civil life is not such a horrible punishment.” Poe sighed in resignation. “The balance is frail and an exemplary sentence could not go so well for them.”

"But what if they want it?" Finn asked fearing the answer.

“Twenty years? Thirty years? Life imprisonment?” Poe's voice had lost any kind of emotion “It could be considered desertion in times of war, so we would be talking about the death penalty.”

Finn felt like he was running out of air. "They're supposed to be the good guys!"

"It won't happen, Finn. Everything will be fine, you'll see.” Poe turned, resting his head on his own arm and looked at Finn. He smiled sadly, it was as if Poe didn’t believe his own words. “When all this is over, I'm thinking of getting back to Yavin IV. Maybe you could come with me?”

“Yavin? It's where you were born, isn't it?" Finn closed his eyes trying to imagine it. "I’d like that”.

The first lights of dawn burst breaking the spell. Reality assaulted them with all their cruelty. BeeBee-Ate had been beeping for a while trying to wake them up. Poe was the first to get out of bed. Finn had fallen asleep beside him. Poe smiled seeing him there, curled up and hogging all the sheets. Poe wished that every morning for the rest of his life could be like that.

"Finn," he shook him trying not to be too rough. "Wake up. Finn, we have to go.”

The former stormtrooper whined. BeeBee-Ate's excited beeps sounded louder and louder. "BeeBee-Ate!" He growled as he realized what the droid was saying.

Finn was startled waking up suddenly. He was still dressed in the same clothes he had sneaked into the room that early morning. For a second, he seemed not to know where he was. BeeBee-Ate was still with his stupid beepings.

"Nothing happened" Poe whispered to the droid, hoping Finn hadn't understood anything he was saying. Poe was sure that his ears must be burning with shame. "Do you still want to come with me?" He asked without knowing what answer he wanted to hear.

"You're not going to get rid of me so easily, Dameron." Finn stretched and slapped Poe on the back. “You better not leave without me.”

Poe was stuck in place. Finn looked at him with an intensity he used very rarely. Rey's holo-vid came to mind. "I wouldn't dare." He raised his hands grinning.

His plan had been to fly with BeeBee-Ate in Black-One but if Finn was going to travel with them to Chandrila, they were going to have to rule out that option. Poe had one of the small freighters ready. If the Republic wanted Black-One they were going to get it themselves.

The hangar was overflowing with people when Poe stepped on carrying his old sack.

"This thing must be older than Chewie." Finn was waiting for him next to the freighter, looking at it suspiciously. Poe couldn’t help amusing himself in the figure of the other man, standing there, in all his splendor, his hands in a pitcher, against his hips.

“It’s going to fly" Poe smiled, posing his hand against the cold metal. "We don't need anything else."

BeeBee-Ate whistled making it clear that his opinion was not very different from Finn's. Poe looked for the last time at all the people gathered around him without knowing if he would see them there again or if there’d be a Resistance to return to. Poe got on the ship. It was small and the rust color of its walls made it claustrophobic but the collectors were in good condition. Finn followed him, sitting in the co-pilot's seat.

"Here we go." Poe smiled euphorically when he heard the engines coming alive under his hands.


End file.
